https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/

Paige asks

How to get my teenage nephew to stop sucking his thumb?

I’m reading all the comments to him btw, no need to censor he’s got a potty mouth.

Yes he knows it’s satire, but he finds this group hilarious !

My answer

Could you not behead him? It’s a tad difficult to suck on something when you don’t have a mouth. Then again, if he’s that tenacious, I’m sure he’d figure out a way to apply suction from one or more of his remaining orifices. You’ll have to amputate those too.

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https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/

Tricia asks

My male friend says periods are gross. How should i convince him that they aren’t?

My answer

Are you certain he didn’t say “groß”? For those who don’t know, that’s the German word for “great”, and also pronounced “gross”. I’m pretty sure it’s safe to assume he adores and cherishes periods. Save yours up, then surprise him with a colossal blood pudding, he’ll love you forever. Isn’t that, like, an entire chapter in “How To Keep A Man”? I hear Dolly Parton swears by this.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/?m...

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https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/

Ashley asks

My toddler told me last year I had a baby sister in my belly. She also told her teacher she (the teacher) had a baby in her belly.

Turns out, both allegations were correct. And both these babies had complicated births and were born very early.

She just told me “I’m having a baby brother in March” What do?

My answer

Maybe your toddler means “have” as in “make love to”. Is there a particularly irresistible nearby baby brother you’ve got your eye on?

Also wait, just occurred to me” re “I’m having a baby brother in March”, was that an exact quote? Was “I’m” her exact use/choice of words, rather than her referring to you? Maybe she’s announcing to the world her choice of partner, not yours.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/?m...

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https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/

Lydia asks

My depression has been extra SPICY lately. What can I do to feel any joy?!

My answer

Feel Joy? My traditional go-to, and this may work for you as well, has been to fondle the breasts of as many ladies named Joy as you possibly can (only with their happy healthy informed consent, naturally. No consent, no Joy-feel! Urge https://sive.rs/hellyeah to be her guide). Feel as much Joy as you can. For bonus points, nickname the left breast “nutmeg” and the right breast “ginger”. I also find that most women are great sports about this kind of thing, and will happily lactate paprika on request.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/?m...

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https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/

Noah asks

I want to make a p0rn. What should the title and theme be?

My answer

Don’t just film people shagging. Any old chump can do that. That’s old hat. Boring cliché. Do the opposite. Something really attention-grabbing. Make the worst porno in the world. Let’s have a gazillion porn archetypes, but in reverse. Anti-bukkake, where clinicians with funnels and hand pumps squirt it back up strapping young mens’ urethras. Anti-cunnilingus, where specific species of trained cats with extra-sandpapery tongues perform oral so exquisitely awful that the recipients experience a kind of reverse orgasm. For bonus points, try crashing a Pentecostal church service and chew out the minister for not being gay enough.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/?m...

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https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/

Tóta asks

I was complaining about my shitty period in the complaining group and someone got offended for talking about such private matters on an open forum, and they also feel sorry for me that my parents didn’t teach me any manners. What do?

My answer

When you say “shitty period”, how literal are we talking about? Do you have a cloaca? You’re not a chicken, are you? Happens more frequently than you might think. Maybe the person was annoyed at you digging up the front garden for worms again. My girl drives me nuts doing that. She claims worms are great for soothing PMS, but you can get worms anywhere.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/groups/393804108644865/?m...

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Mikey Clarke

Mikey Clarke

533 Followers

Hi there! My snippets and postings here are either zeroth drafts from my larger novels, or web-app tutorials and other computery codey musings.